Wetsuit of Champions
I purchased this wetsuit for a triathlon. I have the Bare 2mm Ignite shorty to thank for my stellar performance. Donning this wetsuit I became a triathlon machine and earned the respect normally reserved for superheroes.
It started when a friend of mine told me I was pear shaped and asked if I was related to a toy called the weeble wobble. Whatever that is. Regardless it was time to "whip" myself into shape. I entered a triathlon in San Francisco.... one week away.
I got my bike and Bare 2mm Ignite wetsuit off Amazon. They arrived the day before the event. Had not practiced much didn't want to be sore for the big event. I did take the stairs instead of the elevator at work yesterday. The best way to learn things is to jump right in anyhow. Had my gear now and I was ready for action..... Chicks dig a champion.
Saturday morning. Day of the event. I strutted onto the scene like Zeus walking into a crowd of mortals. They stopped and stared in awe. I think they were staring my swim goggles were too small and made my vision a tad blurry. Drink it in Ladies... the mythical god of triathlons had arrived. I will share a short list of lessons learned before continuing my tale of triumph.
1) Purchase the right size wetsuit. I got the XL thinking it would be "stretchy". Not the case. May have caused permanent circulation damage.
2) Don't use crocs as a running shoe. They may be comfortable around the house but are a poor choice for running.
3) Check the strap adjustment on your bike helmet before the race. If it will not adjust large enough then your face turns beet red and really affects your oxygen intake.
4) San Francisco is a poor choice for a first triathlon. The water is freezing cold and the hills are incredibly steep.
Swim Bike Run. Simple enough. Let us begin with the swim. I am a large man and not exactly considered "at one" with mother nature. Not sure when sea lion mating season is but I believe that I must have resembled one of these creatures. Two tried to get to know me better. Two more were fighting over me as I reached shore. Disgusting animals horrible breath. The crowd must have witnessed my heroic sea lion stand... they were now cheering me on.
Bike. Unfortunately my Bare 2mm Ignite suit was too small I could not peel the thing off. I was going to have to wear it through the entire race. Stinkin sea lions better not follow me. The hill leading away from the Bay was steep. Cliff steep. I fell over twice going up. I was pedaling but not moving. Weird. Super tight helmet wasn't much help. Finally reached the top and was ready for some easy coasting back down. As I said before it was a steep hill. Not sure what the speed of sound is but I think my screams of fright hit the spectators 2 seconds after i had already passed them. Why are bike brakes so small yet squeal so loud? By the way flailing your arms furiously while sailing through the air does not slow you down. Thank goodness I didn't land in the Bay those sea lions were still hanging around eyeballin me.
I don't even remember the run. It was all a blur. The paramedics said I was wheezing like a locomotive. I finished though. Not sure if I lost weight during the triathlon. I did lose 10 lbs over three days after the event due to my inability to hold down solid food.
The paramedics had to cut my Bare 2mm Ignite suit off me. It felt like a piece of my soul was being cut out. Rest assured though I will be getting another one of these suit soon. This suit created a true triathlete. Getting a red one next time... maybe the sea lions will leave me alone.
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